Why not let your dreams run wild?

Guest Post – Amy – Dreaming with Gratitude
Toni Powell – Sunday, July 24, 2011

I am a daydreamer.

When I was younger I used to spend every second of my spare time dreaming up my future. I would imagine every detail and I would yearn for each dream to become a reality.

That was until age and the busyness of my life took over. Slowly I started filing my dreams away in a drawer. There was the Maybe One Day file, the Too Hard At The Moment file and the Not Likely To Happen In This Life file. Occasionally on a rainy day I would pull them out and flick through them for a while, but they never stayed out for long.

That was, until I came face to face with the fragility of life.

Within a 30 day period I gave birth to my beautiful little baby girl and also said goodbye to her at her funeral. For 24 of these days I sat in the NICU and watched sick babies and their families come and go. For 24 of these days I watched my little girl make each moment count. This type of experience alters you beyond measure and although it was the most difficult and challenging time in my life, I am grateful for it. Grateful because it taught me two important lessons.

1. Gratitude.

2. How to live.

After saying goodbye to my daughter, I went to the filing cabinet and I pulled out those three files. I went through each of my dreams. I spread them all over the house and there I let them stay. I packed my grief inside the cabinet and I threw away the key. For the next 365 days I covered that stainless steel box with snapshots of gratitude until you could no longer see any grey.

Over this time I let my dreams run wild, but I had my eyes and heart set on two. These were the two I had put in the Not Likely To Happen In This Life file.

“You can make us happen”, one taunted. “Dare you to catch us”, said the other.

So guess what I did? I began chasing these two dreams.

For the last two years I had been plotting to catch these dreams – sneaking up behind them when they weren’t looking; setting traps for them to walk straight into. They always managed to stay out of reach though until two weeks ago.

BAM! I caught one. A really big one. I was so excited and scared and proud and overwhelmed. I couldn’t believe that the dream from my Not Likely To Happen In This Life file was is my hands. It was exhilarating!

The next day I was still holding it, getting to know it, when it told me a secret. Yes I had caught it but I couldn’t have it, as it wasn’t right for my family. I had to let it go.

NO! I couldn’t let it go. I kicked and screamed and fought it, but in the end there was no use. I had to say goodbye.

I was so angry. I cried and sobbed and cried some more. I wanted to tear off each snapshot, unlock the drawer and stuff my dreams back inside with the grief.

Instead, I bundled into the car with my family who were keen to go on a bushwalk. My dream wanted to come, but I told it that it had to stay behind.

When we arrived, Andrew and the girls went ahead. I walked slowly behind.

And then I saw it. I saw big bright blue dreams, small hot pink dreams and tiny little turquoise ones surrounding my family as they moved ahead. Tears welled in my eyes and I felt a tug at the cuff of my jeans. There was my yellow dream that I though I had left behind.

“Don’t forget me. Take me with you. Put me in your pocket until the time is right.”

And so I did. I picked it up, put it in my pocket and ran to catch up with my family.

I am grateful that I was inspired to let my dreams run wild.

I am grateful the filing cabinet is locked.

I am grateful that I had the opportunity to experience one of my dreams even just for a moment.

I am grateful for possibilities, for what the future may hold.

But most of all, I am grateful for my family.

I am grateful that I have them to share my dreams with.

I am grateful they are there to hold my hand as a try and reach my dreams.

I am grateful that I have the chance to share and embrace theirs.

I am grateful for the lessons I have learnt, the life I am living and the experiences I am yet to have.

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